My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Two words: blizzard sex
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
