she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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