Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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