we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
