so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
