Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
