is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
