the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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