My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
