is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
