I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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