ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
