i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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