I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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