she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
