$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
