remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i need some magic done to my vagina
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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