so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
is it fun? or sober?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
