I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
