ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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