I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
