so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
