i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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