everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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