I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
