have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
