We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
