The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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