She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
