you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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