Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
