Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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