yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
