it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
