my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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