i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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