You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
