I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
