I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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