Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
