Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
