So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
