the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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