mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
