I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
