I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
