I could have mohawked her pubes.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
