You're so nebulous sometimes
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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