i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
