I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
