i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
