i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
