Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
