i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
