Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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